If you really knew me…

**Caution, the following post is deeply personal. I hope that this might give others some thought on the way we treat people. I hope we remember that even the little things we to do help each other out make a difference. **


…you’d know that I used to have a hard time making friends and standing up for myself. My confidence was low and the following events brought it even lower. I had a lot of FEAR, and because of that fear, I thought I wasn’t good enough, smart enough or capable of conquering any challenge. I would walk- no RUN away from what was difficult because I figured I would fail anyways. That is how low my confidence was.
It all kind of started in about the 5th grade. The group of “friends” I had were not my friends. They never called me to hang out outside of school. During school they’d say really rude things (such as make fun of a mole I have next to my ear, or that my mom wouldn’t let me shave my legs yet) and they laugh it off saying “just kidding”. They made me feel like a freak. It really hurt and made me feel ugly. I doubted myself a lot. I went to a different school a few years later and things were better.
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Mean Girls really do exist.
Then I moved to yet another school and I made a new friend. We’ll call her Janet. Janet and I had fun together but Janet’s friend Bethany was jealous. Bethany gave Janet an ultimatum: stop being friends with Meg or stop being friends with me. Janet chose Bethany. Suddenly, I was friendless and all alone in a new school. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t all have been friends. I didn’t understand why a girl who didn’t even know me would hate me so much. I didn’t understand what it was about me that some girls seemed to hate. I thought I was a nice person who was enjoyable to be around. I was starting to think that I just wasn’t “cool”.
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Texas Fab Five.
Highschool came and I made the cheerleading squad.
After all, there’s no drama in cheer right? Yeah, right. Drama=cheer. Luckily, I didn’t find myself in the middle of all of it too much since I didn’t attend parties. Since I didn’t really relate to the other girls’ extracurricular activities, I was more reserved and quiet. I doubted my abilities to perform stunts which affected my performance. Though I loved being a “flyer” I shied away from it as much as possible because I had no confidence in myself.
Then one night, I came home to discover something that truly crushed my spirit. Those original girls from 5th grade (and were attending another high school) who I hadn’t seen or talked to in years toilet papered and shaving creamed my car. Oh, and they left me a nice message on the hood in shaving cream: “BITCH”. I was devastated and confused. And hurt. So incredibly hurt. I cried and cried and felt so helpless. I didn’t understand why I deserved to be called such names, much less by people I hadn’t seen in over 4 years. I didn’t understand what about me made them hate me so much that they didn’t even see me and still hated me.
Thankfully, I had a group of real friends who supported me. All though high school, I was ok with being “ok”. I got A’s and B’s but I was always afraid to try harder because I just gave up on myself and told myself I couldn’t do it.
When I moved away to BC after high school, college was pretty good. By that time, I made some lifelong friends though my church who I had lots in common with. Once I knew people, I would open up and be silly and crazy and crack jokes. But around those I didn’t know, it took me a long time to open up.
When I moved back home to Idaho about two years later I made new friends. “Friends”. Here we go again. I made friends with a group of girls. We’ll call them Marie, Hallie and Katrina. I thought I could trust them. Marie got jealous of my friendships with the other girls and started telling rumors to my friends and anyone else who knew me. “Meg called me fat.” “Meg says she can get better guys than you.” Were some of the few I found out about. Hallie quit speaking to me before I even heard about the rumors. Katrina didn’t drop me but she didn’t stand up to Marie either. She chose to just sit by as Marie spread the rumors. You know what? This time, I cut the negativity out of my life. With friends like those…
At this point I’m thinking “What gives? What is wrong with me?”. Finally, I began to change. I slowly stopped letting people’s opinions matter so much. I stopped seeing myself as helpless and worthless. I started focusing on being more positive and working on making myself a better person. I worked on my relationship with my family and most important my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
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Wedding Day!
My husband has always had all the confidence in the world in me. He reminds me that I’m smart and that I can figure things out. He points out my strengths and asks me to help with the things I am good at. He encourages me and doesn’t accept excuses to quit or procrastinate. He made me realize that I would be and do anything I wanted. The only person stopping myself was me. I don’t think he realizes what a rock he is to me. Whenever I want to quit and give up because I’m afraid I’ll fail, he’s right there encouraging me to “not try, DO”.
Weirdly, it was also my job in customer service. I heard it all, ranting, raving, threatening, reasonable arguing, kindness, and everything in between. At first I was terrified. I’d hang up the phone and shake. How can people be this mean? My bosses and co-workers were very supportive and I started to get thicker skin. Three years of thicker skin.
I’m no longer afraid to stand up for myself, to tell people no. I don’t feel guilty for turning down those ridiculous solicitors who come to my door, asking people in the movies to be quiet or calling someone out on being rude. It’s not like I go looking for fights, because I don’t. I no longer stand quietly by. I stand up for myself and what is right. There will always be people who are mean and rude. That doesn’t mean that anyone else has to put up with it.
Now that I am back in school, I feel a lot more positive. Yes, my classes are hard. Yes, it’s ok to ask for help. No, don’t procrastinate homework, studying, going to class. Do it, because I can do it. I KNOW I can. Sure, I might not get accepted into my program. But I’m working everyday with the mindset that I will. Now, if I fail, I know that I did not sabotage myself, I will have worked my hardest.
The hardest thing about starting a blog was if I would be accepted. I worried that no one would care. All those insecurities started trying to creep back. So, thank you. All of you who take the time to read or even skim my blog. I’m glad we are bloggie friends. Like my friends here at home, you proved that there are plenty of women out there who aren’t catty and backbiting.
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I can honestly say I am really happy now. I know that everyone goes through things in life that make them stronger. Growing up and maturing has taught me not to care as much as about what others think. I choose to surround myself with real people who like me for the way I am. I have the confidence in myself to accomplish any task I set out to do. And even failing is ok. Lots of successful people had to fail before they achieved success. I no longer worry that not everyone will like me, or think I’m funny. That’s ok, because I like me. And I happen to think I’m hilarious. πŸ˜‰

p.s. Oh! I got my school schedule finalized! Yayyy!!
Why do some women have to hate those who don’t gossip or judge each other?

Why do some women feel like they have to tear others down?

Shouldn’t we be defending and standing up for our gender?
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16 thoughts on “If you really knew me…

  1. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I think so many of us girls can relate to one thing or another in your post. I'm relieved to be having a boy so that I don't have to worry about all of that catty stuff that girls go through with one another. Boys are so different. Yes there's bullying and their feelings can still get hurt, but more often boys are able to dust it off easier than girls and forgive and forget. I think when women act awful like that, it's because of one main thing: jealousy. I believe those girls that gave you a hard time were insanely jealous and they tore you down so that you wouldn't be better than them. I think this blogging community is so fabulous b/c I see nothing but women supporting and loving one another and it's awesome. I wish it were like that everywhere!!!! πŸ™‚

  2. Wow this was such a heartfelt, sincere and honest post. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I think low self-confidence is something almost everyone struggles with, and your experiences with nasty friends sure did not help. But as you said, the important thing is to know who you are– the beloved, precious child of the Heavenly Father. That's why it's so important to establish a firm and unwavering relationship with Him first, and then you start understanding your amazing worth, and thus treat yourself like the princess you really are.

  3. Beautiful post! This is the very reason I get along so much better with guys than I do with girls. We're soooo catty. Not saying you and I are, but you know..as a gender. I went through the same thing in junior high with the altimatum when me and a new friend were becoming closer than us and our current other best friends. They both gave us a choice, but we refused to nto be friends. There was a lot of drama but I eventually became close with her best friend as well while my best friend became sorta of a 4th wheel..but it was alright overall. I think women feel like they have to tear each other apart to feel superior- just like any bully. They think you're better than them and don't like it..so they do what they can to bring you down.And yes, standing up for our gender is important. But standing up for the ones in our gender like the ones you've dealt with all your life isn't as important. The strong and mature ones should be recognized but how amazing they are.

  4. Loved this post. And — wow — I cannot believe how cruel some of those girls were to you. This actually hit close to home, especially since I've been working on a similiar-themed blog post myself. Thank goodness for true friends (and for amazing husbands) who remind us that we can be proud and happy with who we are. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing. I love the confidence you now have… and — for the record — I love your blog. πŸ™‚

  5. I really admire your courage in writing this post and sharing your story. It always amazes me how incredibly hurtful some women can be. It seems to start at such a young age but only gets worse as they get older. My mom used to tell me that the girls who made fun of me were just jealous, but of course I couldn't see that at the time. But now, I really do believe that when people are cruel, it is stemming from a dark place inside of them, one filled with insecurity. Because when you're confident in yourself, then you don't feel threatened by other women, and then you don't feel the need to constantly cut them down.I am so sorry for all of the pain you've experienced, but it is more than obvious that you have emerged stronger and wiser and more confident. I admire you so much!

  6. Girls are so mean! My best friend growing up was a guy for a reason. I hated the drama of girls. I had a group of girlfriends but never felt completely comfortable or myself with them. Sorry you had to deal with all of that! It would have made me very self conscious about others too. And I'm so glad you feel more at peace about it now. And that we have been able to connect through blogging. πŸ™‚

  7. aw, meg! i'm so sorry you had such troubles with friends growing up, but those troubles only made you a stronger person. i'm sure you are a really awesome friend because of all that. i would have totally been your friend. my mom was really good about making me be friendly to everyone bc we're all different and we all have something to share. i was never really part of any "group" – i had friends all around, and i honestly liked it that way bc i felt like i knew so many types of people. i love your blog and i'm glad we're blog friends πŸ™‚ xo

  8. I totally can relate!!! I always have had problems with girls too, my mom would always tell me that if I was happy with who I am that was the only thing that mattered…screw all the rest of them..Love ya meg!!!

  9. I can totally relate to everything you posted. I had a run in with mean girls all through high school and it made the years miserable :(P.S. Where did you get married?Jenhttp://jenslosinit.blogspot.com/

  10. I never understand why girls feel the need to just berate and be rude to other girls. I DONT GET IT. I got called slut and other things in highschool. I was friends with girls who one day decided to go shoepolish a girls car with slut etc and I was shocked–I didnt want to be friends with those people–cue the name calling on me. Just a vicious cycle.Im so glad you realized that nobodies opinion of yourself matters but your OWN. Thats the only way you will be able to get through life..Thanks for sharing!

  11. Oh Meg, I'm so sorry. You know, I have to say, those negative biddies in your life were truly jealous of you. You are a beautiful, talented girl. That made you a threat, I'm afraid! But I, too, think you are hilarious, and wonderful and amazing. So poop on the rest of them, right?

  12. I never understand why girls feel the need to just berate and be rude to other girls. I DONT GET IT. I got called slut and other things in highschool. I was friends with girls who one day decided to go shoepolish a girls car with slut etc and I was shocked–I didnt want to be friends with those people–cue the name calling on me. Just a vicious cycle.Im so glad you realized that nobodies opinion of yourself matters but your OWN. Thats the only way you will be able to get through life..Thanks for sharing!

  13. Wow this was such a heartfelt, sincere and honest post. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I think low self-confidence is something almost everyone struggles with, and your experiences with nasty friends sure did not help. But as you said, the important thing is to know who you are– the beloved, precious child of the Heavenly Father. That's why it's so important to establish a firm and unwavering relationship with Him first, and then you start understanding your amazing worth, and thus treat yourself like the princess you really are.

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